Men raise their voices to stop violence against women

The idea of a men's movement, for many, brings to mind anti-abortion "soldiers," the Promise Keepers or Robert Bly. But Ben Atherton-Zeman's one-man play, "Voices of Men," performed at the University of North Carolina at Asheville (UNCA) on Mar. 20, raised some students' and community members' consciousness to the growing number of men working to stop sexism, rape and domestic violence. Atherton-Zeman educated the audience about pro-feminist men's organizations, including the National Organization for Men Against Sexism (NOMAS), the White Ribbon Campaign and Men Can Stop Rape, and brought attention to men's efforts at rape crisis centers and domestic violence programs across the country. He told the audience that for too long have rape and domestic violence been framed as "women's issues," even though "a man abuses a woman, [and] a man rapes a woman." Since the male gender perpetrates violence against women–an incidence of domestic violence every 12 seconds and a rape every two minutes, according to Atherton-Zeman–it is every male's responsibility to stop the violence. He believes that voices of men should be raised to challenge men's violence against women, which he thinks is explicitly demonstrated through the way male characters "solve conflicts through self-righteous violence" in movies and TV shows. His performance included many of such clips to prove this point. Calling himself a "recovering sexist," Atherton-Zeman has spent his adult life committed to stopping men's violence against women, striving to "change the culture of violent masculinity one man at a time." He is a spokesperson for NOMAS and has spoken in 37 states, Canada, China and the Czech Republic to bring awareness to the issues of violence against women and rape. He completed two 300-mile walks in his home state of Massachusetts to stop domestic violence. After his performances of "Voices of Men," many times done on college campuses to audiences of fraternity males and sports team members forced to attend, he asks the males in the audience to voluntarily stand and recite the following pledge, the wording which he had worked out with help from some female feminist mentors: "I pledge to never commit, condone or remain silent about men's violence against women. I pledge to never coerce anyone I know into having sex, or to pressure them into any kind of unwanted physical contact. I will always seek clear communication instead of assuming consent. I choose to respect, listen to and seek equality with every person I date, and every person I know." Atherton-Zeman gave out ribbons after his Mar. 20 performance: white for men as part of the White Ribbon Campaign, and purple and teal for everyone to build awareness of the problems of domestic violence (purple) and sexual assault (teal). The AGR spoke with Atherton-Zeman after his performance. AGR: How did you first become involved in fighting against sexism, domestic violence and rape? Atherton-Zeman: I got involved first by dating women who had been raped, or who had been controlled by their partners. And so just hearing what had happened to them made me mad and made me want to do something about it. They, and women who do this work for a living, let me know that there were very few men, at least at that time, who were raising their voices against men's violence against women. Initially I volunteered at domestic violence programs and rape crisis centers, and then eventually someone hired me. I have been working against domestic violence for 15 years. Six years ago I wrote this play. AGR: What is the White Ribbon Campaign? Atherton-Zeman: The White Ribbon Campaign (www.whiteribbon.org) is an international organization for men against violence against women. It started in 1991, because of the Montreal Massacre in 1989. This man, Mark Lepine, at Montreal University, came into a classroom with a gun, and ordered all the men out of the classroom. He ranted at the women for a while saying, "you women, you feminists, you take all the jobs, all the class spots," and then he started shooting them. Some of them ran out of the classroom, and he ran out in the hall and kept shooting at them. He ended up killing 14 women before, in a stand off with the police, he took his own life. And this was in a country where there isn't a lot of gun violence, so a lot of Canadians wanted to do something. So my colleague, Michael Kaufman, was sitting at a kitchen table with a couple other men, and they together wanted to do something. They chose the white ribbon as a symbol and they asked all Canadian men to wear a white ribbon to show their opposition to men's violence against women. That year a million Canadian men did, as well as half of the Canadian parliament and their prime minister. I would love to have that kind of response from men in this country. AGR: In your performance you illuminated the connection between the sexualized images of women in the media and violence against women. Could you explain that to our readers? Atherton-Zeman: The problem is not the sexualized images–the problem is what kind of sexuality is being portrayed, and the fact that there are ONLY sexualized images of girls and women out there. Again, we as men need to make it known that scantily clad, thin images of girls and girls' body parts are not the only images of women we want to see, and that we will not support advertisers that use those images. I see some good progress here, such as the recent Dove "real beauty" campaign, but these images have been followed by backlash. Sexualized images of girls and women don't cause rape or domestic violence, but they allow and encourage men to look at women like things. These images allow men to think of women as objects there only for male consumption. AGR: What is the range of reactions you get from men when you speak? Why do you think that some men become angry or defensive when the issues of sexism, violence against women or rape are raised? Atherton-Zeman: Sometimes I get angry emails from men. Acknowledging that the male gender causes so much harm to women causes men a lot of pain. It is hard for the male gender to take responsibility. Male privilege is just like white privilege. It is easier to avoid taking responsibility, to shut women up–because they are the ones telling us about the violence. The anti-politically correct movement is really just people with privilege avoiding responsibility. They try to turn our legitimate concerns about violence and inequalities into a one line phrase, "PC," that can be dismissed. Sometimes, though, I get wonderful emails from men–one guy told me he recognized that he was being controlling to his girlfriend after seeing the play. One guy said he had been "waiting all his life for something to stand for," and he was going to become a man who stood against male violence. AGR: After your UNCA performance, it seemed that all the males in the audience stood and took the pledge with you. Is this usually the case? Atherton-Zeman: Yes, it is usually the case. Some men had complained that they felt coerced into saying the pledge in the past. I removed it from the program for awhile, but the feedback from women was that they liked that part–it was very moving for them. So I added it back in–frankly, I care more about women being moved by men reciting the pledge, then about men feeling pressured into saying it. AGR: What is the most rewarding part of your work against sexism, domestic violence and rape? Atherton-Zeman: The most rewarding part of my work is feedback that I've made a difference. Sometimes I help local rape crisis centers and domestic violence programs do their essential outreach and prevention work in their communities. Survivors of rape or domestic violence come up to me in tears saying: "thank you for telling my story." Plus, I get paid to be an activist and a performer–what could be more rewarding? AGR: April is sexual assault awareness month. What do you and other activists hope to accomplish this April? Atherton-Zeman: I would like to help local rape crisis centers get more men involved. I would like men to see that rape is not just about physical violence, but about coercion, about not respecting the person you are with. It is important that people, men in particular, pick up on nonverbal clues people send. We know when someone is uncomfortable. Someone shouldn't have to say "no" with a karate kick to get our attention. Finally, I would like men to speak out vocally against violence against women and the systems that support that violence–racism, sexism, homophobia, anti-Semitism, classism, ableism. I would like men to tell their friends that sexist jokes and "dumb blonde" jokes are not funny. I would like them to believe their friends when they come to them, having been raped. I would like them to support their local rape crisis centers, domestic violence centers and women's centers with their money and their time. AGR: Are there any events for sexual assault awareness month in Asheville? Atherton-Zeman: I met with some wonderful staff from your local non-profit rape crisis center, Our VOICE, while I was here. They told me that on Apr. 12, the 7th annual Survivors' Art Show, honoring survivors and all those affected by sexual violence, will be held from 5:30pm to 7:30pm in the Critics Lounge of the Fine Arts Theatre, with a debut screening of the film "Esma's Secret" at 7pm. The art show is free and open to the public. The film requires a $15 minimum donation. On Apr. 20, both women and men are welcome to attend a "Take Back the Night" rally, which begins at 6pm in the parking lot of the French Broad Co-op. For more information about these events, people can contact Our VOICE at 252-0562. Community members, men in particular, should go to the rally, and call Our VOICE and see what they can do to help. If you feel scared or uncomfortable in your relationship, call the Our VOICE National Domestic Violence hotline office at 1-800-799-SAFE, or if you have had a sexual encounter and feel uneasy about it, call the Rape Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN), 1-800-656-HOPE, to connect to a local rape crisis center.